DGray chat
by jax2468
Summary: where you the readers can ask your favorite characters: to preform dares and answer questions, with myself as the host! Warning: might be spoilers depends on question , might be ooc. never mind definitely out of character.
1. Chapter 1

**ok i know i have another two stories going on but this is so that if i have writers block or just want to torture the characters, i can without you guys thinking i died, i know im not good but (shrugs) i dont care, and some people might in the future actually like my work! so hope you enjoy. will update when i have time, access to this computer and when i have questions. Jax**

**disclaimer:**

**I love fanfiction**

**oh yes i do**

**but i don't own **

**so please don't sue!**

* * *

Jax: Welcome to my first ever -man chat room, I'm your host: jax2468. And with us today and hopefully for the remainder of this program: Allen Walker,

Allen: Hello, a pleasure to meet you.

Jax: Lavi,

Lavi: Hello ladies!

Jax: Ms. Lenalee lee,

Lenalee: Hello.

Jax: and lastly Yuu!

Kanda: Don't call me that (brandishes mugen)

Lavi: But Yuu-Chan that's your name!

Kanda: SHUT UP BAKA USAGI (jumps and attacks Lavi)

Jax: (leans over to Lenalee and Allen and whispers) Oh a lovers quarrel.

Allen and Lenalee: (giggles)

Lavi: (pushing Kanda off him) What's so funny?

Kanda: (now calm ad back in his seat) Yeah moyashi, what's so funny?

Allen: Its Allen bakanda.

Kanda: Dare you to say that again (pulls out mugen).

Jax: Guys, guys, calm down we have letters to respond to.

Kanda and Allen: (look to one another) Fine.

Jax: Good! Now Lenalee why don't you read the first letter?

Lenalee: Ok (takes letter) this is from…jax2468… its from you.

Jax: Yep! ^.^

Kanda: BAKA! You sent yourself your own letter!?

Jax: (psychotic grin) Yes, I have some questions of my own.

Lavi: No, you had nothing so you had to make up questions.

Jax: Not true I just wanted my questions asked first!

Lenalee: Then why is the bag empty (holding bag in question upside down)?

Jax: Uh…

Kanda: Baka.

Jax: Lets ignore that the bag is empty. Lenalee read the letter.

Lenalee: Ok it says "Dear amazing fantastic host of chat,"

Allen, Kanda and Lavi: (thought) What the hell?

Jax: (laughs at the expression on their faces)

Lenalee: (continues reading) "I was wondering if you can make them answer or perform any question, dare or demand given? Jax2468"

Kanda: You sent yourself this fucked up question?

Jax: I thought the audience would like to know this. Anyway to answer your question jax2468, they will be ab-

Allen: This is a waste of everyone's time; you already know the answer, so why are you answering this question?

Jax: I told you so the audience knows what they can do and what to expect!

Allen: The audience already knows what to expect as you wrote it in the summary!

Lenalee: You've got nothing don't you?

Jax: I have something!

Lavi: Then where is it? Hmm?

Jax: Uh…

Allen: (sighs) Ok we're going to have to cut this short. Please send us a review with a question or dare, so that the authoress doesn't look like a total idiot in her own fanfiction.

Lavi: Please come again and leave a note on how you liked it!

Jax: And if any of the dare or question are good or original, I'll lend Kanda out for an hour of services to do with as you please.

Kanda: What!

Jax: Bye!

* * *

**jax:dont forget to review, **

**kanda: come back here damnit and face my wrath!**

**jax:EEP!**


	2. DGray chat segment 2

welcome to another segment of dgray chat! Hope you enjoy! Also i wrote this from 5:30 to 9:45 at night so please im exhausted and if there's spelling please be kind!

Disclaimer: i do _**not **_own. Got that people i don't own. Never have never will.

* * *

Jax: Hello all and welcome to another segment of Dgray chat, and with us today we have Allen Walker,

Allen: welcome back.

Jax: Yuu-chan,

Kanda: Damn it, it's Kanda!

Jax: and Lavi!

Lavi: Hey all!

Allen: Uh Jax… where is Lenalee?

Jax: Oh she'll be here in a moment; I asked her to set something up for me. Oh here she is now!

Lenalee: (walk in and sit down). Hi every one.

Jax: Good now that every one is here we can start! And yes we actually got letters! So we will review.

Kanda: Che don't see why I'm still around for this stupid thing.

Jax: You will willingly stay here once you read the letter for this segment.

Lavi: Letter? I thought you said we got _letter__**s**_, so why are we only reviewing one?

Jax: Well the answer is very simple; because this letter is so awesome I have decided to give it, its own segment!

Kanda: How could a letter be so awesome it deserves to waste my time for only one show?

Jax: (evil grin) Why don't you read the letter for us and find out yourself? (Hands letter to Kanda)

Kanda: (reading letter starts to smile) Alright I see why, this is a good letter and is worth my time.

Lavi: (eyes wide) Really let me see, let me see (grabs letter from Kanda, reads, starts to laugh).

Allen: What? What is so funny that bakanda is _smiling_?

Lenalee: Yeah!

Jax: Well before we read the letter out loud we need one more person to come here, though he's running a bit late so- (touches ear piece). Oh never mind he's here.

Tyki: (comes in) Hello, cheating boy. (sits beside Allen)

Allen: (stands up from chair, activates innocence) TYKI MIKK!

Jax: (pulls on Allen and makes him sit in his seat) Me and Tyki have made a deal for him to be here so you can't kill him, and besides for this request to work we need him to be here. So shut up and deactivate your innocence!

Allen: (huffs) Fine. (Deactivates his innocence)

Tyki: I'm hurt shounen.

Jax: Ok we're getting off topic, Lavi since you still hold the letter will you do the honours of reading it out loud.

Lavi: (with a giant grin) I would love to. Hem hem the letter says:

"**Hi!**

**Can I dare Allen to get married? Like to a Noah? Preferably Tyki? And Allen wears the wedding dress? And they don't really have any say in this! No one can interrupt and I don't want any divorces either.**

**That's all I have to ask right now. Lucks with your story!**

**Chu545"**

Allen: (has his soul hanging out of his mouth)

Tyki: (grins) So when's the wedding?

Jax: (looks to Lenalee with a raised eyebrow)

Lenalee: (nods her head)

Jax: (gives a grin and turns back to tyki) Right now!

(The stage suddenly breaks apart to reveal the whole set up for a wedding: rows of chairs, a path that leads to a podium for the priest, everything is covered in flowers, bows and lace)

Allen: What the hell?!

Jax: Lenalee grab him!

Lenalee: Got it! (Bashes him over the head with a clip board knocking Allen unconscious. And running out to a separate room closing the door behind her).

Jax: Lavi, Kanda! Help tyki get ready! The others should arrive here in about 20 minutes! (Follows Lenalee to the other room locking the door behind her).

Lavi: Uh… (Looks to the other two)

Tyki: (uses Noah powers to change into his suit and top hat)

Lavi: Ok then, what now?

Kanda: Baka usagi. We go and sit down (gestures to chairs that have magically filled with family and friends of the couple)

(With Lenalee, Allen and Jax)

Jax: Oh Lenalee the dress is lovely! I knew I could count on you!

Lenalee: Johnny-kun made it, so thank him next time you see him. What do you think Allen-kun?

Allen: (still unconscious)

Lenalee: (sweat drops) Right…

Jax: Here, I'll wake him up. (Walks over to Allen) Oi! Moyashi! If you don't wake up now I'll make sure that the order bans dango from the cafeteria!

Allen: (wakes up) I'm up! I'm up! (Looks down)WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?

Lenalee: Your dress Allen-kun. Now come on Tyki is waiting for you!

Allen: Never!

Lenalee: (kicks Allen out the door and into the arms of Cross)

Jax: Now Cross, you take care of him now you hear, bye Allen good luck and don't faint!

(Jax and Lenalee leave and go and sit down in the chairs provided in the front beside Lavi and Road. Tyki waits in the middle of the isle waiting with Leverrier who will marry them.)

(Wagner's march begins to play as Allen and Cross start walking down the isle, the audience gasps at how amazing the dress is on Allen, even Tyki is stunned! As Cross and Allen reached Tyki, Cross gives Allen hand to tyki symbolizing his approval, when they reached Leverrier he began.)

Leverrier: Dearly beloved, we are here today to witness the holy matrimony of Allen Walker and Tyki Mikk. Seeing as how neither of you can back out of this, and someone can't stop this… I now pronounce you husband and wife you may now kiss the bride.

Tyki: Well cheating boy lets make this quick so we can go and christen the bed that jax has so kindly provided for us. (Kissed Allen and picks him up like… well like a bride).

Allen: Tyki let me go!

Tyki: Not happening boy (kisses Allen again as the walk through the wall).

Allen: No Tyki I don't want this!

Tyki: But I do (shoves Allen onto the bed and leans over him).

Allen: T-t-tyki (Allen passes out).

Tyki: Oi Allen! Allen! Wake up! Allen!

Lavi: (shaking Allen) Oi moyashi wake up!

Allen: Hun (looks around his room, and sighs in relief as it's his room at the order, in his bed… with Lavi standing over him.) Uh Lavi, why are you here?

Lavi: Well I came to get you because the second segment of Dgray chat is beginning in 10 minutes and I graciously volunteer to find you and when I do you're asleep and screaming from a nightmare.

Allen: Nightmare… wait then that means we haven't had our second segment of dgray chat?

Lavi: Yeah and if we don't hurry we're going to be late! Come on! (Pulls Allen out of room)

Tyki: (emerges from the shadows of Allen room) Remember to leave a note on how you liked it!

* * *

Ah yes well review so i can continue this story! and i can now go tro bed! oh yeah Chu545 i know you had 2 parts to your letter but i couldn't fit it in. But next time for sure!

Allen: why was Cross at my wedding? and how did i go down the isle willingly?

Jax: 1) cross was there since hes your legal guardian so... yeah since when has that mattered before (scratches head) anyway hes there because your marrying nobility which means he can rake in more debts more for you to pay off. 2) cross threatened you with debts that how you went down the isle.

Allen: it couldn't have been that bad!

Jax: it was ************$

Allen: (faints)

R&R

Jax


	3. the actual second segment

**well this is the last post till june, hope you dont forget me! and that you like this segment!**

**earl: jax does not own nor will she ever own.**

**Jax: Not true! i'm planing on winning the lottery and then buying the rights from K****atsura Hoshino.**

**komui: hope you like!**

* * *

Allen: Hello to another segment of chat. I'm your host for tonight: Allen Walker.

Lavi: Moyashi, why are you the host?

Allen: It's Allen!

Lenalee: Allen-kun answers the question that's on everyone's mind.

Allen: Oh of course Lenalee, well you see after the last comment Jax made at the last segment,

_(Flashback)_

_Jax: And if any of the dare or question are good or original, I'll lend Kanda out for an hour of services to do with as you please._

_(End flashback)_

Allen: Kanda beat her up so bad she's currently in the hospital. And she left a note saying that I would be the temporary host until she comes back!

Allen, Lavi and Lenalee: (looks to Kanda who is meditating in his chair)

Kanda: (looks over) What?

Lenalee: I thought you don't hit girls?

Kanda: She's the exception.

Allen: Why?

Kanda: Because moyashi,

Allen: It's Allen.

Kanda: (ignores Allen) She's more annoying then the usagi.

Lavi: So mean Yuu-chan

Kanda: Don't call me that!

Lenalee: Break it up you two we have letters to read. (Brandishes clipboard)

Kanda: Che

Allen: Thank you Lenalee. Now for our first letter comes from Escavitch and he say:

"**Wow Kanda pretty hot, I was wondering if you're really a boy or a cross dressing girl. Either way I'm single (winks) and am always available for Yuu.**

**Escavitch"**

Everyone: (silence)

Kanda: Moyashi that better be what it actually says or you're a dead man walking.

Allen: (grinning hands over the letter)

Kanda: (reads letter, goes into shock)

Lenalee: Kanda-kun.

Kanda: (no response)

Lenalee: Kanda.

Kanda: (no response)

Lavi: Yuu-chan! (Waves hand I front of his face)

Kanda: (no response)

Allen: Wow he must be really far-gone to not get mad at you.

Lavi and Lenalee: (nod head)

Lavi: Who is Escavitch anyway?

Allen: If I'm not mistaken he is Jax's little brother who is turning 13 in a couple of months.

Kanda: (wakes up) that was a TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY!

Lavi: (laughs) Wow Kanda you must be is first love.

Kanda: Shut it usagi!

Allen: Now Kanda answer the question.

Kanda: Look kid listens well and listen good. I am a guy and I am not interested!

Lenalee: (eyes sparkling) You didn't say your not gay so…

Kanda: (slightly blushing) I'm not!

Lavi and Allen: (evil grin) But your blushing!

Kanda: Baka! (Blushes harder)

Lenalee: So you're not gay but when we say you are you blush in embarrassment?

Kanda: (back to normal) Exactly!

Allen, Lenalee and Lavi: (look to each other, grin evilly and pounced on Kanda)

Kanda: Get off me you retards!

Lavi: Not until you tell us your sexuality!

Kanda: Get off me damnit!

Allen: (grabs Mugen) Tell us, or you wont see Mugen ever again!

Kanda (glares) I'm straight, ok I only blushed because the question caught me off guard, now give back MUGEN!

Lenalee: (huffs) Fine. Allen give kanda back Mugen.

Allen: (gives back Mugen) Alright now that that's over, the next question comes from-

(Door slams open)

Escavitch: JAX!!

Lavi: Holy shit! It's Yuu-chans crush!

Kanda: (growls) Usagi…

Escavitch: I don't know what she said but it's not true!

Lenalee: What are you talking about?

Escavitch: Jax she hacked my computer and went into all my profiles and changed EVERYTHING!

Allen: So Jax sent that letter?

Escavitch: What letter?

Everyone: (silence)

Escavitch: (leaves because of silence)

Kanda: She's a dead woman walking.

_(At the hospital)_

Jax: (Sneezes)

Nurse: Here are some vitamins honey.

_(Back at studio)_

Allen: Alright now this next letter is from Deadly Fangs and she says:

"**Hello! I have a dare for Kanda and he has a choice between two.**

1) Kiss Lavi for a full minute; or

2) Cut your hair short and dye it pink.

*evil grin* And if you don't do one of them, I'll have to write up another story like I did for "That Time Of Year". Remember that one Kanda? Only I'll make it ten times worse for you.

And for Allen...do you like/love Lenalee? Tell the truth, we'll still love you if you do or don't.

**Deadly Fangs"**

Kanda: Damn the fan girls to hell. That author actually made me hate Daisya for a while.

Lenalee: Or fan boy, you can't really tell with that name.

Kanda: Trust me from her other stories concerning me…(shudders) she's a she.

Lavi: So what do you choose Yuu-chan?

Kanda: Damnit usagi don't call m that!

Allen: So Kanda what do you choose?

Kanda: Why don't you go first moyashi?

Allen: (shrugs) Fine, I like Lenalee in a sisterly way. Your turn kanda.

Kanda: (curses in Japanese) Fine come here usagi.

Lavi: (blushes) Wait, Ka- (gets kissed by kanda, neither of them move)

Lenalee: (with camera) This is boring.

Allen: The letter only specified kiss it didn't specify what type of kiss though.

Kanda and Lavi: (done kissing)

Lenalee: Next letter. Lavi do you want to read?

Lavi: Sure! Ok so this is from Chu545,

Allen: (pales)

Lavi: And she writes:

"**Hi!**

**Can I dare Kanda to kiss Lavi!  
That's all I have to ask right now. Lucks with your story!**

**Chu545"**

Still Lavi: What the hell!

Allen: (laughs in both relief and humour)

Kanda: Shut it moyashi andChu545, we just did that fucking dare so; no we will not do it again! Next letter!

Lenalee: (looking at camera) But Kanda…

Kanda: NEXT LETTER!

Lenalee: (huffs) Fine, but I'm reading it! (Grabs letter from Allen) This is from PurplePunkette and she writes:

"**Hurrah torture timee~! :3  
Jax, you is awesomeness~!  
So shut up Allen-kun!  
Anyways, Hii everybody!! *waves* Lavi, ILOVEYOU!! Will accept my heart!??!? PLEASE? 3 I'll love you forever!  
Hehe okay I dare Kanda to dress up in a frilly pink princess dress,hot pink boots,and put a pink bow in his hair~!  
Hrmm I also dare Lavi to kiss Allen-kun for 3 whole minutes at least!  
Okay Happy Writing~!  
Loves for Lavi-Bunnies and Allen-Girls,  
Punkette"**

Lavi: Sure I'll accept your heart! And I will always treasure it.

Allen: Flirt.

Lavi: Jealous moyashi?

Lenalee: So Kanda about your dare…

Kanda: No fucking way am I going to wear that. I am never going to change my looks for some fan girls (Lavi: or fan boys) amusement. I never will so get that through your head!

Lenalee: (sigh) Fine, alright Lavi, Allen your turn.

Allen: Oh damnit it all.

Lavi and Lenalee: (eyes wide and in union) You just swore!

Allen: So? I have to kiss my best mate! And all you care about is that I swore? (Screams last part to Lavi)

Lavi: Right…

Allen: You know what? I'm not doing it! I am not do- (Kanda bashes Allen's head with Lavi's starting the kiss, both of them don't move.)

Lenalee: Aw come on reviewers! Actually specify the type of kiss so that they can't get out of it, and I can get some hot steamy yaoi goodness.

Kanda: What's yaoi?

Lenalee: (looks to Kanda, expression blank) You don't want to know Kanda, you don't want to know.

Allen and Lavi: (done the kiss)

Kanda: Usagi what does yaoi mean?

Lavi: Hmm (in thought), I don't know.

Kanda: Che. Really helpful usagi.

Lavi: Why do you ask?

Kanda: Why else? I wanted to know what it means.

Allen: Alright then this next letter comes from YukiaSmith01 and she wrote:

"**OMG :D  
Umm.. haha.. I wanna know Allen's and Kanda's opinion on Yullen !! XP  
I also DARE Kanda and Lavi to get DURNK xD  
That'll be fun to see CX**

YukiaSmith01"

Lenalee: (starts laughing uncontrollably.)

Allen: What's Yullen?

Lavi: (shrugs) Maybe its food?

Allen: (shakes head) No or else I would know it.

Kanda: Books?

Lavi: I haven't read a book that ever mentions this "Yullen"

Allen: Hmm.

Lenalee: (left the stage do to her laughing fit)

_(5 minutes later)_

Lavi: Jewellery?

Kanda: An ancient language?

Lavi: A brand of cheese?

Allen: An animal?

Lavi: Condoms?

Kanda: … No comment.

Lenalee: (comes back in) What are you talking about?

Allen: We're trying to figure out what Yullen is.

Lenalee: You really don't know?

Lavi: No. But you seem to know. So what is it?

Lenalee: Kanda remember when you asked me what yaoi is?

Kanda: (looks confused at the sudden question) Yeah, why?

Lenalee: It means boyxboy.

Lavi and Kanda: (eyes wide, then both blush madly)

Allen: (all innocent) What does that mean?

Lavi: (face palms)

Lenalee: Well Allen it means two male lovers.

Allen: Oh… but what does that have to do with the question?

Lenalee: Well Yullen is a yaoi pairing.

Allen: But then who is paired together?

Kanda: (a horrified look crosses his face as he finally figures it out)

Lavi: (starts laughing uncontrollably when he figured it out)

Lenalee: Well Allen-kun who was the letter addressed to? **(A/N: Allen's innocence is about to die right…)**

Allen: Well it was addressed to both Kanda and…**(now)** Aw no, no, no, no, no, no! Gross. Never!

Kanda: For once I agree with you moyashi.

Allen: Lets never speak of this again shall we Kanda?

Kanda: Lets.

Lenalee: Alright Lavi, Kanda time for the second part of you dare! (pulls out a bottle of alcohol)

Allen: (goes back to his trauma time with cross)

Lavi: Wait how do you randomly have a bottle of alcohol with you.

Lenalee: When I was out of the studios I went and go the bottle, now stop talking and drink! (Gives a glass to both Lavi and Kanda)

Lavi: Alright lets get this over with. (Takes his glass and drinks)

Kanda: Fine. (drinks his as well)

_(6 glasses lat_er)

Lavi: ALLLENNNN!!! I LURVVVE YOUUUU!!!!

Allen: That's nice Lavi. (carelessly flips through a book)

Lavi: WHAAAA! YUU-CHAN! ALLLEN DOESN'T LOVE ME!

Kanda: Shush little usagi, (hold Lavi in a loving embrace) he's a baka for not loving you and it's his loss if he doesn't like you. You're a great person.

Lavi: Thanks you so much Yuu-chan you're my bestesfriend evar!

Kanda: (smiles) And you're mine Usagi!

Allen: (sighs) Seeing as we need those two sober for us to answer the rest of your letters we will have to call this a segment. Oh yes and I have an important message from Jax to give you. She says, "that if a dare is asked to be done twice that we will ignore it." So yeah you guys are going to have to get really creative here. Well remember to leave us a note on how you liked it. I am Allen Walker temporary host signing off.

Lavi and Kanda: (singing)

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?  
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?  
It's swell to have a stiffy,  
It's divine to own a dick.  
From the tiniest little tadger  
To the world's biggest prick!

Lenalee: This is sooooo going on the Internet!

* * *

**Jax: yay im out of the hospital! (looks in studios) WTF is going on here?**

**KAnda: i luff you (takles and nuzzles face into hair)**

**Jax: shit why are you drunk? and what the hell is-**

**escavitch: (comes out of nowhere) Jax you are so dead for hacking my accounts!**

**jax: well i wiouldn't have if you had let me on the family computer 2 weeks ago so i could update my ipod.**

**(the two continue to bicker)**

**Allen: please review so she doesnt kill us all!**

**R&R**


	4. what the hell do i call this one?

**YAY another chapter! Even though it has been over a month since i last updated! so without further ado lets get this show on the road!**

* * *

Jax: Hello and welcome to another segment of DGray chat where you the readers can send us… them requests!

Kanda: What do you mean by "them" gaki?

Jax: Well I don't participate in any of these dares seeing as the description to this story specifies you guys so…

Lavi: You read some of the letters already didn't you?

Jax: Yes. Yes I did.

Allen: Are they that bad?

Jax: Allen they'll make your apprenticeship with Cross look like paradise.

Allen: …crap.

Jax: Yeah. That's why I specified that I'm doing none of these.

Lenalee: (sigh) If there that bad let's just get them over with. Pass over the letters Jax.

Jax: (hands over the bag) Your death.

Lenalee: (ignores the comment and pulls out a letter and opens it) Ok so this letter is from Chu 545.

Lavi and Allen: (groans)

Kanda: (suddenly became pissed)

Jax: Uh is there something I missed here.

Lenalee: Chu asked them last time for Kanda and Lavi to make out but they didn't do it so now they're probably expecting the worst. But this is interesting…

Jax: (is laughing at the beginning of that answer) What?

(The boys were still lost in their despair)

Lenalee: This was dated after the first segment so why are now getting it?

Jax: Oh that's because I just put them all in a sack so we could be answering letters from like 4 segments ago.

Lenalee: Oh ok so this says (boys snap back to attention): **"AW! That was so cute! Too bad Allen thinks it's a dream. Do you think you can make an M oneshot of them doing it! This dare is for Kanda and Lavi they have to go out on a date you know the works. Meet up light snack movie/amusement park dinner Lavi walking Kanda home then the small kiss on the lips! YEA! Lucks!**

**Chu545."**

Allen: (went deathly pale and into shock)

Jax: (has been laughing since Lenalee started reading)

Lavi: (look to Kanda then back at the camera or thing that's recording them) I'm very sorry Chu but Kanda has been banned from every amusement park, fair, carnival, circus and every other establishment like that for destroying them due to how it annoyed him And then we've already kissed so the only thing we could do for that dare is the dinner and movie… hey Yu-chan want to go to dinner after this? Then catch a movie?

Kanda: Don't call me that usagi! (Reaches for Mugen)

Lavi: Fine, fine so what about dinner?

Kanda: It's a damn dare so I have no choice.

Lenalee: But if you had no choice then you would have done all those other dares that made you change you appearance.

Jax: Wait what! He had to change his looks! (Is in fan girl heaven)

Lenalee: Yes but he didn't do them.

Jax: WHAT! KANDA! What is wrong with you? You must do every dare given to you!

Kanda: Shut it! I told the damn viewers to not expect me to change how I look for a stupid show. So deal with it!

Lenalee: What do you think Allen? ...Allen? (Looks to Allen who appears to have died inside)

Lavi: Moyashi (pokes Allen and has a worried expression on his face)

Allen: (mumbles) It wasn't a dream… it wasn't a dream…it wasn't a dream…

Jax: I think he has finally lost it.

Lavi: Hey what was with the beginning of that letter anyway? It seems only Allen and you understood what it means.

Jax: (grins evilly) That's because I got a letter from Chu after the first segment with it asking for a marriage between Allen and Tyki and they cant divorce or back out of it. And since it would cost too much to do on the show and how we have a budget. I asked Road if she would make him dream of the marriage between him and Tyki. Needles to say it worked. Oh and Chu I am very sorry but I can't write lemons even if I had someone instructing me the whole way. So no I won't be able to write a sex scene between Tyki and Allen.

The exorcists: (are all completely freaked out at what she said. And are wondering for Allen's sanity.) So that's why he reacted like he did.

Jax: Alright next dare. Lavi do you want to read this one while we wait for Allen to come back to his sanity.

Lavi: Sure! ^.^ So this letter comes from … LaviAllenKanda and she wrote:

"**ALLEN WALKS TO THE CAFETERIA AND READS A SIGN ON THE DOOR SAYING: ALLEN BANNED FROM ENTERING! GREAT STORY, I LOVED IT.**

**LaviAllenKanda."**

Jax: Ok people what's with you guys and mentally scaring this trauma filled child? Is it because he has good reaction when we call him short (Allen woke up: I'm not short!) or is it because you have been hired by Cross to fuck up this Kid even more. So here is the sign Lavi go start the dare (gives sign that magically appeared out of nowhere to Lavi).

Lavi: Rodger (salutes and leaves).

Allen: Why is Lavi leaving? (Unconscious during the letter reading so is completely clueless)

Jax: He's going to go start your dare lets wait for him to come back… (Lavi comes back in). Holy shit that was fast!

Lavi: I didn't want to miss anything.

Lenalee: Alright let's just get these over with give me the next letter. (Is handed a letter from Jax) alright this is from Aliengirl101 and she wrote:

"**Chow**

OK here is my dare for Lavi, Lavi has to dress up as a girl for a week [including wig and high hells] and go to different places, like the mall and try to get a date, and if someone asks him out he has to accept.

Please and Thanks

Aliengirl101"

Lavi: (shocked)

Lenalee, Jax and Allen: (laughing their asses off)

Kanda: (corners of his mouth are twitching).

Lavi: Can I pull a chicken?

Jax: No. Besides those are only in truth or dare so you'll do this after the show and tell us how it went on the next segment.

Lavi: FML.

Jax: That's a good site, some funny shit there. Do you have an account?

Lavi: I hate you

Jax: Love you to

Allen: ALRIGHT THEN. Next letter please.

Jax: Aw is Allen-kun jealous?

Allen: No I just don't want to be host for this show again!

Jax: Fair enough. So this one comes from animemusiclover and she or he writes:

"**Yo wassup? I have some dare suggestion for DGM characters**

1) I dare Komui to let Lavi kiss Lenalee. A FRENCH KISS

2) I dare Allen to eat only soba for a week

3) I dare Kanda to cut his hair (He he I wonder what will he look)

That's all and I have one question to Allen, Lavi and Kanda...(This is classic) Boxers or briefs?

Ok, that's all...good luck!

**Animemusiclover"**

Komui: (pops out of nowhere) NOOOOOO! MY LENALEEEE DON'T KISS THAT OCTOPUS! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG! (Is being restrained by Allen and Jax, Kanda is being a lazy bum and is just sitting watching the whole thing.)

Jax: Komui shut up and do your dare!

Komui: NEVERRRR!

Lenalee: (kisses Lavi)

Komui: (goes into shock)

Lavi: (returns the kiss and deepens it)

Jax: Problem solved. (The two end the kiss)

Komui: (starts crying pitifully)

Jax: Oh shut up! (Whacks on the head)

Komui: (now passed out)

Jax: Alright then for dare numero deux. (Pulls out phone). Time to make a phone call

_RING_

_RING_

_RING_

Jerry: Hello, Hun Jerry speaking how can I help you?

Jax: Hi Jerry this is Jax from DGray chat, I'm calling about a dare for Allen-kun

Jerry: *sigh* What did he get.

Jax: He has to eat soba for a week, so I am informing you now so he can't skimp out on the dare. So when you see Allen in the cafeteria can you only make him soba?

Jerry: Well-

Jax: Thanks Jerry! (hang up)

_(With Jerry)_

Jerry: (looking at the phone) Oh well it's only for a week, but I was going to ask the purpose of the sign that Lavi brought in (looks to sign in question) Ah well~.

_(Back with the exorcists)_

Jax: Alright now it's just Kandas dare…

Kanda: Fuck. You.

Jax: Don't you mean "sure I'll cut my hair because I love sunshine, and daisies and rainbows with the little rabbits everywhere, while I frolic through a field."

Allen: Jax did you take your medication today?

Jax: No. Why? Can you tell?

Everyone: …

Jax: Fine we won't do the dare... So boys, is it boxers or briefs?

Lavi: Boxers! ^.^ I like the felling of having a draft down there.

Allen and Kanda: (looking at him with 0.0 faces)

Jax and Lenalee: (Laughing so hard they're supporting the other.)

Fan girls everywhere: (are nose bleeding at the mental image)

Lavi: What?

Kanda: (nodding head in shame) Baka usagi… **(A/N: inside joke)**

Allen: I wear briefs

Kanda: (looks to him like he lost his mind)

Allen: Just do the dare Bakanda so we can go home sooner.

Kanda: Fine I wear boxers. Happy?

Jax: Thousands of fan girls are.

Lenalee: What about you?

Jax: I have become immune to his hot- …presence.

Kanda: (smirk) Bitch get owned

Jax: STFU NOOB! (Stands up and points to Kanda)

Exorcists:…..

Allen: …Alright moving on! This next letter comes from AnimeFanFreakTV and she or he writes:

"**Hi!****I have a question for Kanda. The question is:**

If you were to choose between Allen and Lavi, which would you choose?

Good luck with your story!

AnimeFanFreakTV"

Allen and Lavi: (blushing)

Lenalee: (is squealing and leaning forward impatiently)

Jax: Bitch get owned

Kanda: Shut up! And I would choose neither they're both bakas!

Lenalee: But if you had to-

Jax: And suicide is not an option

Lenalee: Who would you choose?

Kanda: (Glares at Lavi and Allen who have regained their composure) I don't know

Jax: Go with the Unitarian approach and choose Yullen! More people prefer Yullen to LavKan!

Lenalee: Really?

Jax: Yeah because Allen is such a cute uke and because whenever Allen tops it's really hot

Lenalee: (thinking) Meh~ you're right Allen as seme and Kanda as uke would be uber hot! (Squeals)

Lavi: What does uke and seme mean? (The other two are deep in thought about something or another)

Jax: Oh my god you don't know?

Lenalee: They didn't even know what yaoi was, sad really.

Lavi: Actually I could have died happy without knowing about yaoi, so what is seme and uke?

Lenalee: If you feel that way about yaoi then you don't want to know.

Jax: No Lenalee he asked so lets answer him (looks to Lavi) seme is the one with the dick in the relationship and uke is the one who takes it in the ass.

Lavi: (blushes beat red at mental images)

Jax: YAY, red for impure thoughts!

Lenalee: Alright Kanda. Who would you choose?

Kanda: Fuck…I'd choose the usagi because we've already kissed.

Jax: Awww~. Alright the last letter of the segment! And this is from Margaret-Ann. And he or she writes:

"**Funny chapter you had a great idea for the next chapter bring in Komui and put him to sleep and Dare Allen and Lavi to say things they did to Lenalee. See what wakes him up and how he tries to kill them.\**

**Margaret-Ann"**

Still Jax: (looks at the knocked out Komui in the corner) Wow that's convenient. All right Lavi, Allen begin your dare.

Lavi & Allen: (look to each other, to Komui and back again)

Black Allen emerges: Hehehe…Komui, Jax made Lenalee go on a blind date with Kanda~!

Jax and Kanda: WHAT!

Komui: (rises from his sleep like a puppet and lunges for the two with drills) DIEEEEE!

Kanda: (whacks him on the head with Mugen knocking him out again)

Jax: My life just flashed before my eyes!

Kanda: Damn it moyashi why was I dragged into this. I can understand the damned author for the Tyki thing but why the hell was I dragged into this?

Allen: For making the nickname "moyashi" Bakanda!

(The two continue to bicker like an old married couple)

Jax: Well that is all the time we have left I hope you tell your friends who will tell their roommates then their roommates will tell their grandparents who will- (gets hit by Laves hammer)

Lavi: Just shut up already!

Reever (who came to get Komui): Review!

* * *

**Allen: geez that was a long segment now to the cafet- (sees sign) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Brakes down into pitiful sobbing)**

**Jax and Lavi: (laughing at Allen.)**

**Jax: (turns to Lavi) now time for your dare Lavi or should I say Luffia?**

**Lavi: (seen dragged down the hall by Jax, nails in the floor to try and prevent the torture) NOOOOOOOOO!**

**Jax: Just think of this as your 50th alias! Or your preparation for your date tonight with Kanda!**

**Jerry: (watching the whole thing with a sweat drop) Remember to eat three square meals a day, and to tell us how you liked it!**


	5. All chapters will now have random names!

**So i know its been 2 months since i last updated but to make it up im posting 3 chapters at once!**

**so without further ado hers the 5, wait 4 no...heres another chapter!**

**Disclaimer: if i owned do you think i would be writing this? thats what i thought. **

* * *

Jax: Hello to the 5th instalment of Dgray chat now we're just going to go right into the show starting with this letter sent by-

Lenalee: Wait why aren't you introducing us?

Jax: Because I really want to read this letter out and because if they don't know who you are by now then that's really sad…so let's start!

Lavi: I have a bad feeling…

Jax: Anyway this letter is from Deadly Fangs (Kanda: shudders) again and she writes:

"**I'm back! First of all, thank you for putting my review up in the chapter...second of all, thank you Allen for being honest with my question. Here's a bag of candy. Don't go nuts on it.**

Now...my dare was boring, was it Lenalee? Well then...I'll have to spice things up, now wont I? *evil grin* How about...Kanda has to kiss BOTH Lavi and Allen...five minutes each...and each kiss has to be a French kiss. And my threat still stands if you don't do it Kanda!

**Deadly Fangs"**

Lenalee: I love you Deadly Fangs! (Pulls out camera and starts recording)

Lavi: (gone beat red)

Kanda: Fu-

Jax: So Allen here's your candy don't-(notices bag of candy is gone)

Allen: (had grabbed the candy, ate it and is currently bouncing off his seat) Sugar, sugar, sugar, SUGAR!

Jax: Hey Allen!

Allen: (looks to Jax) Sugar!

Jax: There's more sugar in Kandas mouth but will only show after 5 minutes.

Allen: (pounces on Kanda) SUGAR! (Taking Kanda by surprise as he straddles the older man and kissed Kanda…well passionately)

Lavi: (turns away as his face turned even redder)

Lenalee: (recording every second of it)

Jax: (looking at a watch) And that's 5 minutes! (Allen pulls away as he comes down from the sugar high)

Allen: What the hell just happened? And why am I on Bakanda lap? (Gets off his lap and back in his seat) And why does my mouth taste strange?

Lenalee: Don't worry Allen I'll show you. After Kanda and Lavi do their dare…

Lavi: (turns to Kanda, face still somewhat red) Alright Kanda how do you want to do this?

Kanda: (is still in shock from what just happened)

Lavi: Umm…

Jax: I think you should just kiss him Lavi. He's not going to wake up anytime soon.

Allen: Lavi has to kiss Bakanda! (Starts laughing as Lavi kissed an out of it Kanda again)

Jax: Dude I wouldn't laugh if I were you.

Allen: Why?

Jax: Lenalee.

(Kanda woke up and started kissing back)

Lenalee: (shows Allen what happened during his sugar high)

Allen: I did THAT!

Lenalee: Yes you did.

Jax: Your face was priceless too (Lavi moaned into the kiss)

Lenalee: (checks her watch, looks to Lavi and Kanda still making out, grins evilly) Hey you two~.

Kanda: (breaks the kiss) WHAT! (All angry)

Lenalee: It's been 7 minutes.

Kanda: Che, thanks for the update Sherlock (keeps kissing Lavi)

Allen & Jax: (mouths open) …Holy shit.

Allen: (turns to Lenalee) What did you do?

Lenalee: Well you know that Lavi and Kanda went on a date a week ago right?

Jax: Yes it was a dare from the last segment, why?

Lenalee: Well I followed them and it didn't go the way a date should have so I "accidentally" took something from brothers' lab, and "accidentally" slipped it into Kanda food this morning. And now we have this (gestures to the boys who are still kissing) the potion makes the person do really perverted things, and it was probably activated when Allen kissed Kanda.

Allen: (backed away from Lenalee during her explanation)

Jax: That's awesome! High five. (High fived each other) Oh! So Allen how was your week with only soba?

Allen: Terrible! I was so happy I could eat my normal menu this morning.

Lenalee: We had to go restock the food supply.

Jax: I thought you did that yesterday?

Lenalee: We did but Allen emptied it.

Jax: …Whoa.

Lenalee: Yeah…

(Lavi and Kanda have finished their kiss; Kanda seems to be coming out of the effects of the potion that Lenalee put in his food)

Jax: So Lavi did you get a date when you were Luffia?

Lavi: No I didn't. Do I not make a hot girl?

Allen: I hope not…

Jax: Well anyway on to the next letter and this comes from Alienwinxgirl101 and she says:

"**Chow**

Here's a better dare for anybody, dress up as the millennium earl and walk in to the black order.

Please and thanks

Alienwinxgirl101"

Jax: I suggest Lenalee!

Lenalee: Why me?

Lavi: Because if any of us do it we'll be killed for causing a disturbance, but if you do it then Komui could protect you from punishments and the like.

Jax: He just read my mind.

Lenalee: Fine give me the costume (puts on costume and goes outside the Black Order)

_At the Black Order front gate_

Lenalee (dressed as the Earl): Hello?

Science department: (spits out coffee) IT'S THE EARL! GET THE EXORCISTS!

One of the scientists that is never mentioned: THERE ON THAT WEIRD SHOW!

Reever: Guys…

(Scientists still freaking out)

(Komui walks in)

Komui: (looks around with a calm face on) What's going on?

Reever: Someone pretending to be the Earl outside of the order. (Scientist stops freaking out)

Komui: Identify yourself please.

Lenalee: Hello Nii-san.

Komui: Oh! Hello Lenalee! How are you?

Lenalee: Good. Just doing a dare.

Komui: I see. Have fun with the rest of the show!

Lenalee: I will! Bye Nii-san.

(Back at the show)

(Lenalee comes back in dressed as herself)

Jax: Next letter! So this is from Pokerpair. And-

Lenalee: (has started cackling evilly)

Lavi: Ummm.

Allen: Lenalee are you alright?

Jax: She's fine she's just in yaoi heaven.

Allen: Ummmm.

Jax: Any way P.P writes:

"**Allen-kun I dare you to kiss Tyki Mykk for a good 5 minutes oh the kiss is passionate please...**

Pokerpair"

Kanda: (smirking)

Allen: (look of horror crosses his face)

Jax: So let me just go make a phone call. Lenalee keep doing the dares

Lenalee: Rodger!

(Jax leaves)

Lenalee: O.K so while we wait, this next letter is from…Timcanpy?

Allen: YES A GOOD LETTER AT LAST!

Lenalee: …Anyway he wrote:

"**Hahaha, good one, i love your story (but please be a bit more kinder to Master Allen)**

Anyways... I have a few questions

- Why does Lavi wear an eyepatch, does he have geass? (from to the anime code geass?

- Does Kanda let his hair grow because it reminds him of Alma Karma? (D gray man Chapter 193+)

- If Tyki was an exorcist, will you three fight over him?

- Same with Road?

That is all...

Oh yeah! Master Allen, Master Cross is sending his debt to the order that you have to pay...

**Timcampy"**

Allen: (gone into trauma from days of apprenticeship)

Lavi: No I don't have geass, though that would be so awesome! I could make Kanda love being called Yu-chan! (Gasps) and I could glomp him without being afraid!

Kanda: (shudders) I don't know what this "geass" exactly does but I'm glad the usagi doesn't have it.

Lenalee: So why do you wear an eye patch?

Lavi: Because it stands out with the ladies, of course!

Jax: (from somewhere back stage) You sound like Howard Wolowitz from Big Bang Theory! Oh hello this is Jax from DGray chat, is Tyki home?

Lenalee: Moving on. So Kanda do you grow your hair out because of this Alma?

Kanda: (grumbles) …Yes.

Lenalee: That's as good as he'll get folks. So Lavi, about Tyki...

Lavi: Never.

Lenalee: Care to ex-

Lavi: Nope.

Lenalee: Alright Kanda?

Kanda: I agree with the usagi no way in Komui storage closet would I fight over him.

Jax: (who has come back in) Is it because you are in love with a certain bunny rabbit?

Kanda: (takes out Mugen) Do you want to say that again?

Jax: Alright, is it because you are in love with a certain bunny rabbit?

Kanda: DIE!

Lenalee: (whacks him on the head with a clipboard) That's enough Kanda!

Jax: (behind Lenalee) Get powned bitch.

Lenalee: Jax…

Jax: Stopping!

Allen: I would forgive him but I wouldn't fight over him.

Tyki: Aw you wound me, Allen am I not sexy enough for you? (Comes out of one of Roads doors)

Allen: no I just can't fight over someone who stuck his hand in my chest.

Tyki: Touché, boy touché.

Jax: So what about Road?

The boys: (looks to one another, then to Jax) No.

Tyki: Fair enough, now come here boy (kisses Allen)

Allen: (Leans into the kiss)

Jax: (turns to Lenalee) You put that potion into that bag of candy didn't you?

Allen: (moans)

Lenalee: Jax! I'm offended! Do you really think I would do that to one of my friends?

Everyone: (thinking with a sweat drop) She did…

Tyki and Allen: (done kissing)

Tyki: Thanks for the kiss boy! (Leaves via Roads gate)

Jax: Ok the last dare for this segment! And this is from… Nia musicspectacular, and she writes:

"**OMG That was so wrong! But FREAKIN HIL-ARI-OUS!  
I love this show or whatever it's called. Lavi, Allen, Kanda i think your all awesome! And Leenalee i didn't know you were a yoai lover!I'm not up for that kinda stuff so don't worry guy's :). But! I dare you ALL to swim in a ball Pit full of snake's and spider's. Hey least the guy's aren't kissing each other? ur welcome :) **

**Nia musicspectacular****"**

Kanda: You fan girls have a twisted way of thinking.

Jax: Just shut up and go in. (pushes him into the pit that has magically appeared before them)

Lavi: For BOOKMAN! (Jumps in)

Allen: I just want some of Jerry's food. (goes in)

Jax: (turns to Lenalee) Go, jump! Give the readers what they want!

Lenalee: The letter said "all" so that includes you.

Jax: What!

Lenalee: Yup now common (grabs Jax and jumps in)

Jax: NOOOOO!

Camera guy: (appears before the camera) Well guess that's a rap, tune in next time!

Jax: There SOMETHING IN MY SHIRT! KYAAAAAAA (grabs Kandas ponytail and yanks)

Kanda: Ow, damn it let go!

Jax: I lied! We have one last letter to read! (Has climbed over Kanda and is now back in her chair)

Allen: WHAT! The only reason I jumped in was because we would be done today.

Jax: Which is why I lied an told you that that was the last letter of the day!

Kanda: …I hate you.

Jax: Love you too! ^.^

Kanda: How did you get that form I hate you?

Jax: Because today is "annoy Kanda until he goes on a bloody masaquer" day.

Lavi: No its not.

Jax: Yes it is.

Lavi: No its not!

Jax: Two camels in a tiny car!

Exorcists: (silent)

Jax: HA I win.

Lenalee: (sigh) Let's just read the letter.

Jax: Now that's positive thinking! So the actual final letter of this segment comes from YukiaSmith01.

Kanda and Allen: Damn it.

Jax: And she writes:

"**O... M... G...  
LEBALEE ! *glomps* I LOVE YOU ! xD  
I LVOE that you're a Yaoi fangirl like meh ! ^-^  
Haha, sorry Allen, Kanda xD  
*gives both a hug*  
And thxs for the song, Lavi, Kanda ! ^o^  
*pats Lavi's head and smiles*  
I hope you get well, Jex-chan :)**

Thank you, Jex for putting up my letter ! cx

Today, my friend has a request:  
Hello, I'm Raquel.  
Hey. Hey, Lavi.  
Hit me up at the hotel tonight ;)  
Kanda, tell me why I can see you as a lawyer someday? O.O

**Yukiasmith01"`**

Lavi: (eye wide and has gone into shock)

Kanda: (actually thinking) Hmm, maybe because I don't take no for an answer?

Lenalee: I can see that.

Jax: So Lavi it is currently 10 o'clock at night, shouldn't you be going to that dare?

Lavi: Right! (Starts running off) Oh and don't tell Panda-jiji where I am. Ok?

Jax: Don't worry we won't, Have fun, and be safe! (Turns to camera) alright! Well now we are at the end of the segment! I hope you enjoyed it! Bye!

* * *

**Jax: are you sure its gone?**

**Komui: yes!**

**Jax: (sighs) thanks Komui.**

**Komui: your welcome, next time though dont let yourself be pushed in.**

**Jax: it wasnt my fault! lenalee threw me in!**

**Komui: well thanks to you and that show all my scientist completly freaked out and are now in therapy.**

**Jax: hehehe oops.**

**R&R**

**Jax**


	6. Diapers!

**Alright this chapter has a warning people, yes a warning!**

**BECAUSE OF CERTAIN DARES THIS SHOW (becuase i am paranoid) IS RATED T/M. **

**OK SO ON WITH THE SHOW!**

* * *

Jax: welcome to the 6th instalment of Dgray chat, I'm your host Jax. And with us tonight we have the exorcists: Allen Walker, Lavi Bookman, Lenalee Lee and Yuu Kanda!

Lenalee: Why the formal introduction?

Jax: Because this may be the last time you will see either me or Allen alive after we read this letter.

Allen: Why?

Jax: Kanda will kill us.

Lavi: Is it that bad?

Jax: it's so bad I don't even want to read it out loud…

Kanda: …fuck.

Jax: Alright I had a nice life, (looks to camera) Mom when I die I want you to post everything I've ever written online for me! Alright so this is from The Yullen dare-

Kanda: I already hate this letter.

Allen: I couldn't agree with you more Bakanda.

Jax: Any way, she writes:

"**I dare Yuu and Allen to have *** with each other for 10 mins, and Road has to record it all and share the video with the Millenium Earl and the rest of the Noah. Also, send video to all people in the Order. Not allowed to be stopped for no reason, even if a hippo ran into the room right now.**

**The Yullen dare"**

Exorcists: …

Kanda and Allen: (start trying to escape)

Jax: (fires this missile device that explodes into a net and catches them) I'm sorry guys! Really. But a dare is a dare and so it must be done!

Allen: NO! You can't make me! You can't make me!

Jax: (drags them off to a door that has appeared and shoves them inside, and locks it)

Kanda: You can't make us have sex. (Muffled by door)

Jax: I can if there is a gas that Komui made, that's hooked up to the room and I can threaten you with it.

Allen: I would rather take the gas!

Jax: (evil grin)

Lavi: (notices the grin runs to Jax to stop the destruction that is inevitable to come) Allen take it back!

Jax: Too late! (Pushes button to the side of the door)

Allen: (Coughing) What the heck? I can barely see! Kanda what are yo- (is cut off by something)

(A rustling noise was heard then a moan)

Lavi: (backing away in fear)

Lenalee: (is animatedly listening from her seat)

Jax: Alright Road! (Grabs Road from out of nowhere) Go record it for us! (Throws her into the room, walks back to chair)

Lavi: How is that a threat? (now back in his seat)

Jax: They could have done it the easy way or the hard way, they chose the hard way, the drugged way.

Lenalee: Jax, What potion did you take from Nii-san?

Jax: I don't know? I just asked if there was anything that was like Viagra but 50 times more effective and he gave me this then threw me out.

Lenalee: (shaking her head) Nii-san…

Jax: So since we have 10 minutes to burn, Lavi what happened with that Rachel chick you were suppose to meet up with?

Lavi: You mean Raquel?

Jax: Yes her!

Lavi: We played Xbox all night. She owned me at Call of Duty.

Jax: Which one?

Lavi: I don't know there are like 10 and they're all named practically the same thing!

Jax: Some Bookman apprentice you are.

(A moaning noise is heard from the door)

Lenalee: How much longer do they have?

Jax: (checks watch) 9 minutes.

Lavi: What are we going to do for 9 minutes?

Jax: …I JUST LOST THE GAME!

Lenalee and Lavi: (look at Jax oddly)

Lenalee: What's the game?

Jax: (gasps) You don't know?

Lavi and Lenalee: (shakes head)

Jax:The game is if you think of the game you lose the game and once you know of the game you will play the game until you die also you can only lose the game every 30 minutes. Do you get it?

Lavi and Lenalee: (nod head)

Jax: Now what?

Lenalee: Let's read the next letter?

Jax: Good idea Lenalee! (Grabs letter from a bag that came out of nowhere)

Lavi: Where is all this stuff coming from?

Jax: From YOUR MOM!

Lavi: …We need Allen-kun back, he's the only one that can control her.

Jax: I resent that! So this letter comes from Zirkus and he or she writes:

"**I want Kanda to give Lavi a lap dance. IN A SKIRT. Kanda that is. Neither is able to reject this request under punishment of a defective Komurin. No, they can't choose the robot either. Also, they have to share a 5 minute passionate kiss with tongue. I also want Jasdavi to come in and cause adorable hell for afew segments. That is all. I love the story.**

**Zirkus"**

Jax: (is laughing so hard she fell out of her chair)

Lenalee: (squealed and is jumping up and down in her seat)

Lavi: (went into shock)

Fan girls everywhere: (Are dying of happiness at the mental image)

Lenalee: (grins evilly) How long does that potion last for?

Jax: (grins evilly) 15 minutes

Lavi: Now, now let`s be reasonable here and-

Jax: We'll have to time this perfectly!

Lenalee: True it has to be after the 10 minutes, and executed so well that we can have Kanda in the skirt, on Lavi's lap, and away from Allen in less than 5 seconds so that they don't fight back and we get the full time.

Lavi: Are you listening to me?

Jax: Agreed. Did you get it all Road?

Road: (whispers) I heard everything and consider it done! Just have Lavi in his chair at the time.

Jax: You can count on it!

Lavi: I don't want Yuu-chan to give me a LAP DANCE!

Lenalee: Yes you do now shut up!

Lavi: How much time is left? (look of fear on his face)

Jax: (checks watch) None!

(The door bangs open, and Kanda is now shirtless with only a skirt on and sitting in Lavi's lap)

Kanda: (starts kissing Lavi as his hips move up and down)

Jax: Wow (having a faint nose bleed) …we didn't even have to tell him what to do!

Road: (holding camera) I'm going to go make the copies. Oh and the twins have wanted to come on this show since they saw how much fun it is so expect them next episode.

Jax: YES!

Lenalee: Alright! I want a copy!

Road: (leaves)

Jax: Lenalee are you recording this?

Lenalee: (gives Jax a look that contemplates whether or not she's sane) Are you stupid?

Jax: Yes.

Lenalee: (sighs) Of course I am why would I want to miss this? (gestures to her sex-driven friend)

Jax: …Good point.

Kanda: (snaps out of drugged induced daze) What? (Looks at what he's wearing) What the hell am I wearing? Why am I on the Baka usagi lap?

Jax: Easy, you had sex with Allen for 10 minutes then you gave Lavi a lap dance.

Kanda: (Eyes had widen in horror and his face was tinted green)

Lenalee: Kanda are you O.K.

Kanda: (faints)

Lavi: (ran from his chair and out the studio)

Allen: (is crying pitifully from the room)

Jax: (turns to Lenalee) I think we need to call this a segment.

Lenalee: Agreed.

* * *

**So I know this one was a little dirty but that's it. if I get something like this I will ignore it, I seriously could not write those requests but I kept putting them off. So that's it, I hope you liked the only amount of smut I will ever write in my career as an author on fanfiction.**

**Lavi: (in the cafeteria) I JUST LOST THE GAME!**

**everyone: damnit Lavi!**

**Lavi: how were me and lenalee the only ones who didnt know about this game?**

**REACTION TO THE TAPE**

**Cross: seems my apprentice actually learned something from me.**

**Tiedoll: NO MY SON!**

**Earl: (looks to Road) Why am I watching this?**

**Twins: (laughing)**

**Tyki: I didn't know shounen had it in him.**

**Komui: (crying) what are you doing on that show Lenalee?**

**Jax & Lenalee: Best. Show. Ever. **

**Remember to R&R**

**Jax**

**Lavi: I just lost the game!**

**Jax: Damn it Lavi!**


	7. Godzilla!

**Ok so the reason im posting all these chapters up at once is because im getting a job, no not a pay job but a volunteer one, so i wont be able to post stuff for awhile and i didnt want to forget about this so heres the last instalment that i was able to type up before. oh yeah and i didnt fully edit this chapter (capitals) so dont diss me on that.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Jax: go read the other disclaimers! god damnit im not a friken broken record!**

* * *

Jax: Hello DGM Fans! Are you ready for this segment? (pause) I can't –

Kanda: (hits her head) SHUT UP!

Jax: Allen! Bakanda is being mean to me!

Allen: Kanda stop being mean to the Authoress.

Kanda: why she made us … (turns green at the thought)

Allen: I know what she did, but that doesn't mean you can be mean to her.

Lavi: besides she can do anything she wants here.

Lenalee: not to mention you don't want to get on her bad side.

Jax: I don't have a bad side, I look good at all angles.

Allen: let's just read the letters.

Jax: ok! this is from animemusiclover and …it writes:

"**it's me again ^^, too lazy to sign in, this dare show rocks! you really know how to make the DGM lovers happy, anyhow I have more dares for the characters:**

1) I dare Allen, Lavi and kanda to have a race. loser has to broadcast to the whole order and to the noah his name and say his a man who wears a princess dress and cuddles a teddy bear at night (hehe sorry if its long)

2) Komui, do you really have a sister-complex or you are in love with you sister? (incest)

and lastly...

3) I dare everyone to dance caramelldansen

that's all

by the way, I'm a girl

**animemusiclover"**

Jax: alright so it is really a she! And aw thanks!

Lenalee: so what type of race will it be?

Allen: EATING!

Lavi: READING!

Kanda: che.

Jax: How about I decide?

Boys: (look to each other) no.

Jax: aw what?

Lenalee: I'll decide, and it's going to be a shopping race!

(at a shopping mall)

Lenalee: ok the rules are simple whoever can find the item on their list first wins! Ready. Set. go!

Boys: (run)

Jax: It's truly incredible what males will do when their pride is on the line? Isn't it Lenalee?

Lenalee: it truly is.

Jax: so what's on all their lists?

Lenalee: Allen has to get sword polish, Kanda a manga volume of D.N. Angel, and Lavi has to get male enhancements.

Jax: …we could be here all day!

Allen: (rounds corner) I have it!

Jax: no way!

Allen: (shows the can)

Lenalee: how?

Allen: training with Master Cross is not a normal experience.

Kanda: (rounds the corner) we have to leave now!

Jax: why?

Kanda: .

Jax: what?

Lenalee: he said that since he couldn't get … the item from his list without feeling totally humiliated, he robbed the store.

Allen: Let's get out of here!

Lenalee: I'll call Lavi.

Jax: Alright then that's a wrap!

(Back at studios)

Lenalee: since Lavi lost the race he now has to-

Jax: (pulls out a flashlight) Face the consequences! (evil laughter and lightning flashed in the background)

Lenalee: um, right. So here's a microphone, it's hooked up to both the black order and the Noah's lair, here you go Lavi. (Hands microphone)

Lavi: (sighs) MY NAME IS LAVI BOOKMAN! I WEAR A PRINCESS DRESS AND CUDDLE WITH A TEDDY BEAR AT NIGHT.

Allen, Lenalee and Jax: (Laughing)

Kanda: (smirking)

Jax: so for this next question were going to need to make a call…

_RING_

_RING _

_RING_

Komui: Komui Lee speaking how may I help you?

Jax: yeah I'd like to order 4 cheese burgers with extra fries, hold the cheese. Do you want anything? (Looks to Kanda)

Komui: I'm sorry but I-

Kanda: do they have soba?

Jax: do you make soba? (Into phone)

Komui: I don't think you under-

Jax: (to Kanda) there talking bullshit. Anything else?

Kanda: no.

Jax: ok so cancel that order, Allen?

Komui: this is the wrong-

Allen: just some mitarshi dango.

Jax: do you have dango?

Komui: look were not a-

Jax: Lavi?

Lavi: no I'm good.

Jax: Lenalee do you want something?

Komui: I'm going to hang up soon!

Lenalee: aren't you talking with Nii-san right now?

Jax: yes but I wanted to mess with him and the boys first.

Kanda: …I hate you -.-

Allen: so there's no dango? T.T

Jax: (to the phone) sorry Komui its Jax I'm just messing with you.

Komui: (sighs) Reever's here so make this quick.

Jax: OK. Do you love Lenalee in an incest kind of way?

Komui: (silence)

Lavi: blunt isn't she? (To Allen)

Allen: you should have seen her trying to comfort me after the last segment, it was the definition of blunt.

Komui: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? SHES MY SISTER! WHY WOULD I LOVE HER IN THAT WAY?

Jax: just checking! (hangs up). So for the final dare…

Lavi: what is "the caramellDansen?"

Allen: it's a supper easy dance that even a monkey could do.

Kanda: I am not going to dance on this show.

Jax: if you don't, bad things will happen.

Kanda: like what.

Jax: someone's favourite food could be out of stock for a couple of months…maybe years.

Allen and Kanda: (pale) Fine we'll do it.

Lavi: why not? It should be fun!

Jax: alright and since I like this dare I'll also-

_BAM_

Jasdevi: sorry we're late!

Jax: Perfect! You're just in time to see them dance the carmamellDansen!

Jasdevi: … (Bursts out laughing)

Jax: Alright let's start! (Puts on music)

Kanda: Wait how do you do it?

Jax: it tells you in the song!

_Women are you ready to join us now?  
Hands in the air, we will show you how.  
Come and try,  
Caramell will be your guide (be your guide)_

So come and move your hips sing  
Oa-ah-ah  
Look at you two hips do it  
La-la-la  
You and me, can sing this melody

Owah-owah-ah-oh

Dance to the beat,  
Wave your hands together  
Come feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and Learn  
It is time for prancing,  
Now we are here with Caramell Dancing

O-o-owah-owah  
O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh  
O-o-owah-owah  
O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh

From Sweden to Uk, we will bring our song.  
Australia, USA, and you people at Hong Kong  
They have heard,  
This means all around the world.

O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh  
Now come on and move your hips singing

Oa-ah-ah  
Look at you two hips do it  
La-la-la  
You and me, can sing this melody

So come and  
Dance to the beat  
Wave your hands together  
Come feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and Learn  
It is time for prancing,  
Now we are here with Caramell Dancing

Dance to the beat  
Wave your hands together  
Come feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and Learn  
It is time for prancing,  
Now we are here with Caramell Dancing

O-o-owah-owah  
O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh  
O-o-owah-owah  
O-o-owah-owah-ah-oh

So come and  
Dance to the beat  
Wave your hands together  
Come feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and Learn  
It is time for prancing,  
Now we are here with Caramell Dancing  
Dance to the beat  
Wave your hands together  
Come feel the heat, forever and forever.  
Listen and Learn  
It is time for prancing,  
Now we are here with Caramell Dancing

Kanda: (sits down in chair) We will not speak of this again.

Allen: Agreed

Lavi: agreed.

Lenalee: I thought it was fun!

Lavi: that's because you're a girl Lenalee! It was totally humiliating for us guys!

Jax: what happened to the Lavi who said it would be fun?

Lavi: he died 2 minutes ago.

Lenalee: wait what happened to the twins?

Camera guy 1: they laughed so hard they had to be taken to the hospital.

Jax: ok so were going to move on. This next letter is from Anabella-Luvix and she writes:

**Chow**

Q. Kanda some people say you hardly smile, if you smile at an akuma will it explode.. I wonder.

**Anabella-Luvix****"**

Jax, Lavi, Allen and Lenalee: (laughing so hard they fell out of their chairs)

Kanda: (glowering)

Allen: so is it true?

Kanda: Che.

Lenalee: it's not. I was there when he actually smiled once and an akuma didn't explode…but it did give Finder a heart attack.

Jax: (laughing)

Lavi: I want to read the letter!

Jax: (still laughing)

Lavi: (sweat drops) ok so this next one is from The-Exorcist-Trio and she writes:

"**Hey! I have something/s to ask!**

first of all! how many coffees can Komui drink before the whole Black Order implodes with his hyper-sister-complex-happy-rainbows-and-ponies thing?

and why does Leverrier look like Hitler? or does Hitler look like Leverrier?

also, Is timcanpy squishy? like a bouncy ball? just wondering...

and also, what would you three -points to Allen, Kanda and Lavi- do if you met the female versions of yourselves?

and if there aren't enough questions, I have dares too, because I can :P

I dare Allen to find Road and confess his love to her!

and I dare Kanda to wear a maid outfit! that's right Kanda, a maid outfit. then Jax can take pictures and post it all over the internet... then that'll teach you for having the same hairstyle as me! that'll teach you! It's your fault my friends call me Kanda! -evil laughter-

from Mokona of the-exorcist-trio (who does not look like Kanda.)"

Lenalee: 33

Jax: what?

Lenalee: The answer is 33, the science department tried it one time,… it wasn't a pretty site.

Lavi: who is Hitler?

Jax: ask me that question again in 30 years. By the way since Leverrier was born first then Hitler looks like him.

Allen: And timcampy is squishy like a bouncy ball.

Jax: so what would you do if you met the female version of yourself; Kanda?

Kanda: I'd ask if she hates Lavi and if she wants to spar. And if both answers are no I'll kill her.

Jax: ouch! Harsh. So Allen how about you?

Allen: id be freaked out at first but when I got over it she would be another friend to me.

Lenalee: Aw. And you Lavi?

Lavi: aske her out on a date of course!

Jax: Baka.

Allen: (suddenly got depressed but everyone ignored him).

Lenalee: Dare time!

Jax: Allen.

Allen: (sighs) lets just get this over with.

Road: ok im here now what?

Allen: Road…I love you!

Road: yeah and?

Everyone: What?

Road: well if Allen's going to be the next 14th then me liking him would be incest which I'm not fond of.

Jax: hun…ok Kanda go put this on. (hands outfit)

Kanda: fuck. You.

Jax: he's not cooperating. Lavi! Get the gas!

Kanda: NO! just give me the damn thing! (goes into room)

Lenalee: here my camera.

Jax: (takes camera) thanks!

Kanda: (Comes out)

Lenalee: (squeals)

Jax: (starts snapping pictures while laughing)

Allen and Lavi: (trying not to laugh)

Fan boys: (fainted from seeing their fantasies become real)

Fan girls: (pre-ordering a copy of the pictures)

Kanda: (red from anger) that's it were done! (goes back into room)

Lenalee: how many did you get?

Jax: 14 pictures.

Lavi: ebay here we come!

Kanda: (comes back out in normal clothing)

Allen: I want to read the next letter.

Jax: ok here. (hands letter)

Allen: ok so this final letter is from Me and My Shadowand she writes:

"**Love the story  
I dare Allen to tell Lenalee in front of Komui that he likes her  
I dare Lavi to take off the eye patch and  
I dare Kanda to sing the happy song  
Yay I review now I get Kanda**

**Me and My Shadow****"**

Lenalee: well we'll have to do the first dare after the segment because Komui is being held against his will by Reever.

Jax: then we should go on a rescue mission!

Lavi: Let's do it!

Jax: Alright!

(leaves)

Allen: um.

Kanda: Che.

(5 minutes later)

Jax: were back!

Lavi: and with Komui!

Komui: ok so why am I here?

Kanda: moyashi…

Allen: Lenalee…I love you.

Komui: (does nothing)

Lenalee: Nii-san are you alright?

Komui: yeah why?

Jax: but Allen confessed to Lenalee! Shouldn't you want to kill him like you did lavi a few shows ago?

Komui: I would, but I know for a fact that Allen is gay.

Everyone: (sputters)

Allen: (blushes red)

Jax: HOLY SHIT HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH!

Komui: of course and if you'll excuse me I have to go before Reever finds me again, bye! (leaves)

Everyone: (looking at Allen)

Allen: what?

Kanda: so when we …(coughs) you enjoyed it?

Allen: NO! I may be gay but I wasn't ready for that yet. Besides I already like someone else.

Lenalee and Jax: EEEK who?

Allen: guys shouldn't we do the next dare?

Jax: (sighs) Allen's right, ok Lavi you can take your eye patch off now.

Lavi: (takes it off)

Jax: (gasps) it's gone!

Lavi: (puts eye patch back on) when I was 6 I was shot in my eye. The doctors were able to save me but..

Allen: (looks extremely upset) were sorry for bringing it up.

Lavi: s'okay.

Jax: alright I want to end the show right now! (Sniffling)

Kanda: (perks up)

Lenalee: what about Kandas dare?

Jax: he can do it for the credits! (starts crying)

Kanda: (slumps in his chair)

Camera guy 3: here is the sheet with the lyrics. (hands to Kanda)

Kanda: (looks over lyrics) Alright fine it's not that bad, here:

I am really special 'cause there's only one of me  
Look my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me  
When I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song  
It cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long

Oh, oh, oh, I'm so happy, I can barely breathe  
Puppy dogs and sugar frogs, and kittens baby teeth  
Watch out all you mothers, I'm happy as hardcore  
Happy as a coupon for a 20 dollar whore

I'm really happy, I'm sugar-coated me  
Happy, good, anger, bad that's my philosophy

I can't do this, man, I'm not happy

I am really special 'cause there's only one of me  
Look my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me  
These are my love handles and this is my spout  
But if you tip me over then mama said, "Knock you out"

I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave  
Welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave  
I am happy, I am good, I am

I'm outta here, screw you!

* * *

**you people have no idea how much fun it was to write the phone call between Jax and komui. and yes i made Allen gay, if you havent noticed by now then thats really unobservant on you guys parts.**

**JAx: who?**

**Allen: not saying**

**Lenalee: its Lavi isint it?**

**Allen: um- well, you.**

**Jax: EEEKKKK it is! dont worry we wont tell anyone!**

**and this is what happened when Jax and Lavi kidnapped Komui.**

**Jax: (outside of komui's door) remember stick to the plan.**

**Lavi:what plan?**

**Jax: this one! (barges through doors screaming)**

**Komui and Reever: (scremaing)**

**Lavi: (grabs komui and runs)**

**remebr to R&R**

**Jax**


	8. Rumplestilskin!

**Happy New Years~!**

**1. Dont kill me! if you do how will i finish this? **

**2. its 2 in the morning so that's all i'll say.**

**3. I dont own -man**

**4. Alright and finally this chapter was not revised or edited because there was 14 FREAKING PAGES!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

You see Kanda and Lavi sitting down in their chairs as Jax has her iPod on and is dancing around the room. This fate could have been avoided _IF_ Allen and Lenalee were there, or the author was normal.

Jax: Let's, do, the time, warp, again! *jumps in circle*

Kanda: What the hell is she on?

Lavi: Yuu-chan that's not the question to be asking-

Kanda: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Lavi: The question is how much she has taken.

Kanda: …For once you're right.

(Lenalee and Allen walk into the room)

Allen: Sorry we're la-

Lenalee: Ummm.

Lavi: Just wait for her to calm down.

Jax: What was that Lavi? *beside Lavi's head*

Lavi: SHRIEKKKK!

Jax: HA! Ok so I'm just going to start reading these so this is by bloomdragonsaver and I think he writes

"**I find this story quite entertaining so I decided to post a comment to say: Good job! It's hilarious.**

**And... I have a few dares...**

**Make Allen FRENCH kiss the first person that walks into the studio after him.**

**Have Lavi ask out the third person who walks into the studio after him.**

**Have Lenalee exclaim random yaoi related things for the entire segment.**

**MAKE KANDA GIVE ALLEN A PIGGYBACK RIDE!**

**And lastly, make Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, and Allen LICK THE FLOOR!**

**And I have a question for Lavi, Kanda, and Allen.**

**Well, several questions actually.**

**In a Yullen pairing, who would top?**

**In a Laven pairing, who would top?**

**In a Lavkan pairing, who would top?**

**Keep up the good work!**

**Bloomdragonsaver"**

Allen: (looks to Lenalee) …Oh crap.

Lenalee: (sigh) Let's get it over with.

(2 second French kiss later)

Jax: Wow that was fast.

Allen: Less you forget I am gay.

Jax: Uh hun so Lavi who was the third person to walk in after you?

Lavi: Well I went in, then Kanda went in, then you went in then Allen…

Lenalee: SQUEEEEE!

Allen: (blushes beet red)

Lavi: S-s-so A-a-a-Allen do you want to go o-o-o-out to dinner tonight?

Allen: (blushing even harder) S-s-s-sure.

Jax: It's a stuttering fest!

Lenalee: MPREG!

Everyone: (looks at Lenalee)

Lenalee: What? It's my dare?

Jax: True.

Lavi: What does it mean?

Lenalee: I'll tell you at the end of the segment.

Jax: Alright Kanda become mister horsey!

Kanda: Screw you!

Jax: Why would I want to have sex with Yuu?

Girls from the audience: BECAUSE HE'S HOT AS FUCK DAMNIT! WE LOVE YOU KANDA!

Allen: (jumps on Kanda's back) Hi Ho Silver Away!

Kanda: MOYASHI GET O-

Jax: If you don't do this dare then the maid outfit and the sex tape will go on the internet!

Kanda: (freezes) They aren't on already?

Jax: No I kept them off in case situations like these happened.

Kanda: Che. Fine (starts walking around the studio)

Lavi: Ne Jax where are the twins?

Jax: Sadly they laughed too hard when they came here last time and now have a ruptured gut so they are right now in the hospital recovering.

Lenalee: Oh.

Jax: Yeah.

(Kanda and Allen return from their "joy ride")

Jax: Alright people LICK THE FLOOR!

Allen: Do you know how unsanitary that is.

Jax: Do you think I care? Start licking!

Exorcists: (grumble but gets on knees)

Jax: Don't worry we washed the floors!

Exorcists: (lick floor)

Jax: 3 months ago…

Lavi, Lenalee and Allen: arghhh

Kanda: (wipes mouth on sleeve.)

Jax: Exorcists wear that coat Kanda! It's not meant to be used as a rag!

Allen: Ha! (Points at Kanda)

Kanda: Shut up moyashi!

Allen: Make me Bakanda!

Kanda: Why-

Lenalee: SEME!

Everyone: (silence)

Jax: As much as we love watching your sexual tension grow we have a show to finish…

Jax's alter ego: So back in the chairs Ladies!

Lenalee: That was weird.

Lavi: Yes it was. So my vote is Kanda!

Allen: Vote for what?

Lenalee: Who would top in a Yullen relationship of course.

Allen: (looks to Kanda)

Kanda: (Looks to Allen)

Allen: Kanda would…

Jax, Lenalee and Lavi: (splutters) WHAT!

Kanda: Well back in that (cough) situation… I topped.

Allen: So it would make sense if the answer was Kanda.

Lenalee: So in a Laven relationship…

Guys: …What's Laven?

Jax: (face palms)

Lenalee: Which of your three names are in there?

(1 second later)

Lavi: (Eye wide)

Allen: (Blushing)

Kanda: (smirking)

Lenalee: So…who would?

Allen: (Blushes beet red)

Kanda: The moyashi would.

Everyone: (looks at Kanda like 0.0)

Jax: What did you just say?

Kanda: Having hearing problems old women?

Jax: HA! I'm only 16! You're how old? Oh that's right 18-19 years old! So SUCK IT BITCH!

Allen: Don't worry he can.

Everyone: O.O

Lenalee: LUBE!

Everyone: …

Jax: We're getting off topic, So Allen would you top or not?

Allen: Umm, well you see. Funny thing is, well, maybe I dunno cause-

Lavi: I would.

Allen: Yeah…(blushes again)

Lenalee: Wow that was embarrassing…so Lavkan

Allen: Lavi.

Lavi: Me.

Kanda: WTF! I so would!

Allen: You look too much like a girl to top Bakanda.

Lenalee: It's true.

Jax: I second that.

Kanda: Wait a min-

Lenalee: Next letter!

Jax: Ok so this letter is from and she writes

**"KANDA! You soba-addicted sheman, how dare you stab Allen when he was just helping you! Now you're gonna pay :)**

**- I dare you to serve Allen his breakfast and lunch until I comment in here again, and you have to wear a French Maid costume. I also dare you to becomes Lavi's partner for a MONTH!**

**- I also dare you to call everyone by name AND let them call you Yu**

**Thats all**

**OH! I also installed a survillance camera somewhere near you so I know if you're doing it or not**

**And if you don't I will make you go on kitchen duty for a week(yes I have connection with jerry)**

**"**

Kanda: You are going to die a slow painful death …and who are you calling a sheman!

Jax and Lavi: (Laughing)

Lenalee: (shaking her head)

Allen : I love you! Though the French maid outfit can be taken out…

Lavi: So YUU, can't wait for us to be paired up on missions ^o^

Kanda: grrrrr.

Allen: So Bakanda.

Kanda: … I hate you so much right now.

Allen: Say my name.

Kanda: Make me.

Jax: As much as we love you all fighting we have more letters to read. Also Yuu, sorry about your loss.

Kanda: What loss?

Jax: Go read chapter 198 of –man. Who's reading the next letter?

Lavi: I am so this is from Tsuki and she writes:

"**Oh my gosh, I LOVE UR SHOW! It's so awesome! Okay, I only have 1 dare that has multiple steps, hopefully not as complicated as you think.**

**Take 4 fan girls (one Yullen lover and one Laven lover, one Lucky lover, and one for pokerpair) and make them make ALL of you decide which pairing is better. I REALLY wanna see Kanda's choice. Thank you for taking your time and reading my request/review.**

**~Tsuki"**

Jax: YAY I have another fan! And it doesn't seem all that complicated alright camera guy, bring in the preselected fan girls!

(Girls walk in and sit down on chairs that have magically appeared)

Kathy: so I'm Kathy and I represent Yullen!

Angel: I'm Angel and I represent Laven.

Zoe: I'm Lucky.

Kayla: Poker Pair! EEEKKKK where is TYKI!

Kanda: …Can I not be here?

Jax: No, now shut up.

Lenalee: So why would we choose your pairing?

Kathy: Well in a Yullen pairing: Kanda usually tops, usually involves Allen becoming a neko in some way and we have a jealous and possessive Kanda.

Allen: I turn into a CAT!

Kanda: I GET POSSESIVE OVER THE MOY-.

Jax: Your dare remember your dare!

Kanda: Fine, OVR HIM! (points to Allen)

Kathy: Oh and when Allen tops it's so freaking hot.

Lenalee: I can see that.

Kanda and Allen: (Look at her as if she's gone nuts)

Jax: Interesting, and you Angel?

Angel: In Laven we have Lavi overcoming his bookman duties to be with Allen, Allen sometimes instigating the relationship and the two were already friends before so it's easy to believe.

Allen: (sulking) Why are all these pairings so far about me?

Kayla: Because you are the beloved uke!

Lenalee: BONDAGE!

Zoe: WTF!

Jax: Part of a dare?

Zoe: Ah...

Jax: So Zoe why Lucky?

Zoe: Because we have Tyki being romantic and not being a handsome bachelor anymore, Lavi is finally placed in a relationship where he is 99.9% of the time and uke and –

Lavi: HOLD UP! I'm in a relationship with a NOAH!

Zoe: Yeah and finally-

Lavi: WHAT THE FUCK!

Zoe: SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH DAMNIT! (Whacks Lavi) As I was saying and we don't see Lavi committing rape towards Allen, seeing as he is under age…

Allen: You know what… I like you.

Zoe: Thank you.

Allen: No problem!

Kayla: MY TURN! So the reason you should choose Poker pair instead of any other pairings because, Allen sometimes becomes a girl, Tyki leaves the Noah clan to be with him or vice-versa, they met over poker, Allen gets a true family, Tyki-

Allen: Stop talking!

Jax: What I think what Allen meant to say was that we should vote now.

Kayla: Alright!

(Get's into huddle, you see Kanda getting hit multiple times, Allen blushing like a buffoon and a smirking Jax)

3 minutes later.

Jax: so we have decided and unanimously we chose: …LUCKY!

Zoe: EHH! Really?

Kayla: (crying)

Kathy: can I ask how come?

Kanda and Allen: I'm not in it.

Lenalee and Jax: because it sound forbidden which is hot.

Lavi: The Order has a Noah ally and a lot of info to get by it.

Kathy: that makes sense..Alright have fun with the rest of the segment!

(Fan girls disappear)

Jax: Yay next letter and this is from Anabella-Luvix! And she says:

**"Chow**

**Ok this is a dare my lil brother came up with**

**:1 Kanda dress up as ash from Pokémon and Lavi as Pikachu**

**or**

**Lavi dress up as Misty ,Allen as May , and Kanda as dawn.**

**Please and thank you**

**Anabella-Luvix"**

Jax: …You have the hair for it. *Staring at Kanda*

Kanda: What?

Jax: Lavi has the red hair to be Misty, and Kanda's blue hair somewhat resembles Dawn's hair if we let it down…

Kanda: FUCK. NO.

Lenalee: Well put it to a vote. All in favour of dare 1 raise your hand.

(Lenalee, Allen and Jax raise hands)

Allen: (snickers) oh and Yuu you should scream "I want to catch them all" during some point in this dare.

Jax: yes, yes YES! It is official Kanda you now have to do it!

Kanda: no way in he-

Jax: Too damn bad! (Throws them in changing room)

Allen: Are you sure that'll work?

Lenalee: Don't doubt the changing room it's evil, I've see Jax pull farm tools out of there. **(A/N: whoever gets this reference gets a cyber cookie)**

_(2 minutes later)_

Allen: You two ready yet?

Kanda: I am not coming out of here dressed like this!

Lavi: "."

Jax: What was that Lavi?

Lavi: I agree with Yuu-chan for this one.

Kanda: Don't call me that!

(Hear something crash and break)

Jax: was that my collection of pennies!

Kanda: umm…no.

Jax: AGGGGHHHH MY PENNIES! (Pulls open door and throws them back into the studio as a means to get them out of the way) Never mind it's alright just some China plates from the 3rd century.

Allen: (pissing himself laughing)

Lenalee: (clicking away on a camera)

Kanda/Lavi: (blushing with anger/embarrassment)

Jax: Say it Kanda.

Kanda: Fuck. You.

Jax: Remember the tapes and video~!

Kanda: *looking at the door* I wanna catch em all.

Jax: Alright you two go get changed. And we'll read the next letter.

_(Boys go back in then come back out a few minutes later)_

Jax: So this letter is from…THE MILLENNIUM EARL!

Exorcist: what!

Jax: (gasp) He likes my show! (Starts crying) I am the happiest person alive.

Lavi: …we're all fucked.

"**hello, I have heard of this...interesting sideline of yours exorcist and I would like to add a few things of my own...(do not fear, I have intention of taking advantage)**

**1.) Allen, I would like you to give one-fourth of you debt to the twins to teach them discipline**

**2.) I would like to see you all doing the caramelldansen I see in the website YouTube**

**that would be all...good day**

**Oh yes! Tyki~pon, Road, please stop staying in the Order and stay here in the ark, Sheryl is mad as it is.**

**The millennium Earl"**

Jax: what is this? No "go sky diving without a parachute on" or "go streaking in Rome so the Pope will see you?" what the hell happened?

Allen: was the Earl actually being…nice?

Lenalee: merciful?

Lavi: understanding?

Kanda: not being a total bastard?

Jax: YES HE WAS! What the hell happened to the most badass character in the series!

Kanda: what about me?

Jax: your emo, not badass.

Kanda: why you…

Allen: I'll send the debt right away! (Leaves room)

Jax: so the Caramel dansen…

Kanda: did you forget your own letter?

Jax: what are you talking about?

Lavi: on the second segment you wrote a letter to Allen when he was host for "people not to send in the same dares." And since we've already done the dance…

Jax: well fu-

Allen: I'm back!

Lenalee: so I want to read the next letter!

Jax: but road and Tyki…

Kanda: they haven't been in the order for the past couple of days, so we don't know where they are.

Jax: Works for me!

Lenalee: so this last letter comes from Kurochanwithwings, and she writes:

"**Ahahahhh! Although it is pretty dirty it's hilarious!**

**hmm lets see:**

**1) have Allen, Lavi, and Kanda do rock-paper-scissors to see who will go to Komui's room and make out in front of him**

**2) give Allen a deck of cards with cross's face on the face cards and see what happens/ bring in cross and let all hell break loose**

**3) give Kanda cat ears, whiskers, and tail, give Lavi bunny ones, and Allen dog ones through one of Komui's potions that will last through at least 2 segments**

**4) optional make everyone on the set, (if you want, too, Jax) drunk and have them all begin to tell their life story**

**shanks! And Lavi and Lenalee are the coolest characters in DGM! You guys are amazing! *gives them cookies* only for them! :P**

**kurochanwithwings"**

Lenalee: BDSM!

_*everyone again has an ackward silence*_

Allen: no cookie for me…TT^TT

Jax: Allen get out of Tamaki's emo corner now do rock paper scissors!

Allen: Fine!

Lenalee: Alright Rock. Paper. Scissors!

Allen: *Paper*

Lavi: *scissors*

Kanda: *rock*

Jax: I see. Well there is only one way to solve this…

Kanda: better not be something retar-

Jax: You must all make out in front of Komui in a hot threesome!

Lenalee: (nose bleed)

Boys: (Turn pale)

Kanda: I thought I said not something retarded!

Jax: But it's not look our audience members have all passed out do to blood loss. Now GO!

(Throws boys out of studio with Timcampy to follow and record)

Jax: What are we suppose to do for the second dare? Cross is dead.

Lenalee: What are you talking about he's sitting over there. (Points to Cross who is surrounded by woman and drinking wine)

Jax: huh. Well I don't know about you but I have a very interesting idea.

Lenalee: (leans forward) tell me!

Jax: Ok so this is how it works we'll have Cross…

(Later outside the studio)

Boys: (silently walking back to their new hell)

Allen: Poor Timcampy…

Kanda: It had to be done; we couldn't have her getting her hands on more blackmail material.

Lavi: But don't you think dipping Timcampy in acid then putting it through a meat grinder then smashing it with my hammer before using a fire seal was a bit extreme on our part?

Kanda: No.

Allen: Sadly I agree with Bakanda.

Lavi: Were here…Kanda you go in first.

Kanda: (glares at Lavi then grabbed Allen and troughs him in)

Allen: AHHH! MY VIRGIN EYES!

Lavi and Kanda: (look to one another than at the door then slowly walk inside)

The set of DGray chat has been redone with Cross's face hanging everywhere and winking to all the girls in the audience. Lenalee and Jax are off to the side looking at Allen who is on the ground curled up in a ball muttering something about debts, and is too lost in the trauma to notice him being covered in a blue liquid.

Lenalee: how did you get the posters to move?

Jax: Harry Potter owed me a favour.

Lenalee: I see. So how did you meet Harry Potter isn't he a fictional character from a popular novel series and why would you-NOW!

Jax: (taking the cue takes a water balloon and throws it at the two boys standing in the doorway where it splashed on them and were covered in blue liquid.)

Kanda: what the-POOF!

(Lavi, Kanda and Allen now had their respective animal parts from the letter)

Jax: So that I don't die this will be it for now please remember to revie-.

Kanda: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?1?

Jax: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

* * *

**Lavi: Ok so what does Mpreg mean? **

**Jax: It means male pregnancy.**

**Lavi: *faints***

**Jax: he took that better than i thought.**

**Lenalee: -.-'**

**Jax**

**R&R**


End file.
